Reflections in Other People

My wife and I were watching Undercover Boss last night. It is a TV show wherein CEOs, COOs and Presidents of major corporations go undercover, posing as an entry-level employee in their own firms to see what it is like to work for the company.

The COO that was presented last night said something after having a very moving experience with one of his employees that was golden - so I wrote it down. And then I realized that I have a gift. I would guess that 99.999% of the people watching that show heard the same words that I did, but failed to immediately understand how important they were. That is my gift. I have the ability to quickly recognize and assimilate those little comments that people make that are profound - even when they are not aware that what they just said was profound.

I thought that everyone could do this. But over the years I've come to realize that most cannot. It may be because they are not looking for these nuggets of wisdom. Or it may be that they are listening with their ears only, and not with their hearts.

The statement that he made was, "It's a real irony of life that you learn so much about yourself from other people." What an incredible statement! And he just said it in passing, almost as an afterthought. That might be what happens to a lot of us. We are so concerned about saying the right things that the important things are afterthought.

It is true that you learn much about who you are and what your values are from other people. Our thoughts and feelings respond to the thoughts and feelings of others that are in harmony with us. And it doesn't take anything away from us - it only adds. Like two candle flames placed close to one another. They merge and make and even brighter point of light. And yet each is still individual and distinct. The Korean people have a saying to explain this phenomena, "Im Shim Joem Shim" - "Spark from heart to heart".

This is another way of saying that our inner world is reflected in our outer world. Or that our outer world is an indication of our inner world. The inner creates the outer - not the other way around. Because our inner world defines us and makes us who we are, it seeks out and finds those whose inner worlds correspond to ours. If our inner world is filled with bitterness, fear and doubt, then we will inevitably attract others into our lives who have the same things going on inside, and suddenly, our outer world is bitter, fearful and full of doubts.

When we are filled with love, faith and hope, then we attract others into our lives who have the same feelings, and our outer worlds reflect this inner light. This does not mean, of course, that we will not be burdened from time to time with trails, difficulties and even tragedies; they are all part of the great human experience. However, when faced with these challenges, because we have love, faith and hope, we rise to the occasion and our best self is revealed.

Does that mean that we will always conquer? No. My wife still deals with stomach and digestive problems. I still walk with a limp. But both of us do not let what we are experiencing define who we are. We let our inner worlds be filled with all that we desire, and even when faced with trials, we feel that we can, eventually, overcome. It may not happen until we leave this life, but we believe - we have faith - that it will do so.

Yes, it is a great irony in life that we learn so much about ourselves from other people. And yet, it is a great blessing that we do. When we see ourselves mirrored in the lives and expressed beliefs of others, we can either accept what we see or seek to change it. And change comes, not by attempting to change the image that the other person has projected on us, but by changing ourselves so that the mirror of other people reflects that which we value and desire.

If there are those in your life who are reflecting negativity at you, look inside yourself and find that which is negative. Get rid of it. When you do, your attitude and countenance will change. When that happens, those who wish to continue to cling to their negativity will depart from you, and you will let them go with love and hope for their future. You will not hold ill-will, because you will have changed your inner world in such a way that you can let go without hurt, because you will no longer be trapped by fear.