My Friends

I recently bought a book and read of a fascinating true-life experience. Imagine my surprise when the author spoke of his wife, calling her by name - and it was a name I recognized. I said to myself, "Self, do you really think that there are two people who have that same unique name?" To which myself replied, "I doubt it, look in the back at the author's profile and see if it reveals anything." So I did, and sure enough, it was the same girl I knew in high school.

No, she wasn't my girlfriend, although, at the time, she could make my heart go pitter-pat. She was the head cheerleader. And unlike the spiteful shallow, vindictive and competitive harpies that are portrayed by Hollywood, she was very nice. She was nice to everyone - even me.

And that got me thinking back on how many people have touched my life and left a lasting impression. Some of these people are still very much a part of my life, others have passed from the stage of interaction with me. But all have played their part, and now they are a part of me.

I suppose one should wonder if they would remember me as well as I remember them. But it's not important to me. I don't care if they remember me, because their memories are just that - their memories. They don't hurt me or help me in any way. I am content to let them have and enjoy the memories that they cherish. I will keep mine for me.

All of us interact with others and each soul that we touch is likewise touched by us. It is in this interaction that we can come to know more fully who we are. Because, you see, it is that which we admire in others that defines who we are striving to become - or who we have already become.

I remember this cheerleader because, at the time, she represented a good person to me; one who accepted others as they were without judgment and bigotry. And, SURPRISE! That is one of the traits that I still strive for; one that I hope defines me.

I remember another person that has influenced me, although I have never met him, because he was such an influence on my wife. I feel that I know at least part of him. I know his right arm. KIDDING! No, what I mean is that my wife talks about his abundant sense of humor, and how he was always the one who could make others laugh. His name was Scott. I first "met" Scott - or a least his memory - on the day he died.

Many years ago, my wife received a phone call from one of her high school friends telling her that Scott, who had been diagnosed with cancer shortly before, had passed away. My wife cried and shared with me many memories of this red headed class clown. She told of experiences that she had watching and interacting with him. Not all were positive - evidently, he could be mean. But these memories were muted and filtered by time.

All of us are like pebbles in a pond, and the ripples we create as we move through this life can be far reaching. Think back over your lifetime and pause for a moment to reflect on those whom you have admired and liked. Not only will you feel the same warm glow that you felt when you first interacted with them, but you will rekindle your desire to acquire those same traits. If these traits are now a part of who you are, then they will be reaffirmed as being right for you.

It has been said that we, as humans, are the sum-total of all of our experiences. I disagree - sort of. I say that we are the sum-total of all of our experiences and the relationships we have with others. Because, you see, these are the only things we take with us when we leave this life - our memories and our relationships.

Yes, our relationships. If we recognize another person in this life and we enjoy their company, then how would it be possible for us to not recognize them in the afterlife? That doesn't make sense! And if we saw this person as a friend and a companion in mortality, why wouldn't we do likewise in eternity? The answer, of course, is that we would.

And that is where forgiveness can make eternity a heaven or a hell. There are, inevitably, those who have hurt us in this life - either through purposeful intention or by accident. It doesn't really matter. If we see this person as "the enemy" - someone to be hated and feared, then how will we feel about them in the eternities?

Forgiveness allows us to let go of the hate and find compassion. We let go of the anger, the hurt and the fear and we feel sorry for them. Not in a condescending way, but in a manner that makes us want to reach out and help them be a better person. We may never see this person again - ever. But because we no longer have hate in our hearts, we can feel love - we can be love. And that is the way I want to spend my eternity - filled with love.

Ahh, memories. Like fine wine, they get better with age. My friends from long ago visit me in my memories and (sometimes) in my dreams. We laugh and play as we did then, and I am filled with the enthusiasm and life of my youth. What a great gift these people have left with me, all unintended, that can lift my spirits and make a rainy day seem like an adventure rather than a chore.