Labels

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me." I must have said that every day during my grade school years. I was picked on - a lot. But even as I said it, I knew it wasn't true. It isn't true - never was. Names hurt. Labels hurt.

If we let them.

You see, now that I am no longer in grade school, I've come to realize that the only time someone else's comments can hurt me, make me angry, make me sad, or make me frustrated is if I allow them to.

Just because someone calls me stupid doesn't make me stupid. I didn't suddenly lose IQ when they said that. Can you imagine if that were the case? Someone says "you're stupid" and suddenly your IQ drops! I think within the course of a week all of us would have such low IQ's as to need institutionalized care!

Eleanore Roosevelt's statement (and I paraphrase) that no one can make us feel inferior without our permission is true. We need to recognize that when others put labels on us, it labels them - not us. All it proves is that they are someone who needs to label others. It doesn't prove that we are what they say we are.

Recognize that when others label, there is an intention behind the barb. What they call us is not nearly as important as why did they label us in the first place? What is going on inside them that they need to spit out this label? Are they feeling angry? Jealous? The barb is about them - not about you.

So what about the labels we give ourselves? What does it mean when we say to ourselves, "Lane, you're an idiot?" Like any other person saying it, just because the label has been placed, it doesn't change who I am - unless I allow it to.

You see, when someone spits out a label, it represents what's inside. To borrow an analogy from Dr. Wayne Dyer, when you squeeze an orange, what do you get? Orange juice. Why? Because that's what's inside!


If, when someone feels pressure, either from you or some other source, and it causes them to spit out a label, it does so because that's what's inside of them. Whatever emotion they carry around inside them that causes them to criticize and label others comes out when under pressure.

So what about the labels we put on ourselves? First of all, when you feel inclined to label yourself (or after the label is placed), ask yourself, what made me say that? What emotion was I feeling when I labeled myself? It was, I assure you, a negative emotion, most likely related to fear.

You were afraid of something, and that fear put pressure on you that caused you to spit out that label. The fear could be anything - fear of the criticism of others, fear of failure when compared to others, fear of offending others - the list is endless.

And here is the most wonderful part of the story - the miracle. You choose whether or not to accept the fear as real. Fear is a choice. You choose to accept it, you choose to believe it and you choose to let it label you.


The next time you feel the need to label - yourself or others, stop and question your emotions. You can control your emotions by just choosing to do so! No, it's not easy, but it is oh so worth it. Imagine how well you would feel - how well you would function, if instead of labeling yourself, you complimented yourself instead! How much better would your day be?


Just take it one moment at a time. Don't worry about the rest of the day, tomorrow or the rest of the year. Just think about the moment. Make a choice now that the next time you want to label yourself that you are going to choose another path, that you are going to let go of the negative emotion that spawned your label and seek instead an emotion based in love. Love for yourself, love for the world in which we live, love for your family, your fellow man (or woman); love of anything. It is impossible to create a label when you feel love.