The Need to Be Right

I went to a family gathering a week or so ago, and as is typical in most American families, I suppose, the talk turned to politics. I listened to the differing opinions and ideas that caused several of my family members to get rather hot under the collar, and something dawned on me - both sides have this incredible need to be right.

And it's not even enough that they need to be right, but in being so, everyone else must be wrong - and both sides feel this way. And I wondered, why is it that we have this powerful need, and why are we so willing to sacrifice the feelings of others and the sacred relationships we have with those we love the most, just so that we can be right?

From the time we first learn to understand those around us - mainly our parents - we learn right from wrong - right? Wrong. We learn their impressions of right and wrong. We are too young to understand the difference. We are born in innocence with no knowledge of right, wrong; good or evil.

As we learn that we do indeed, have freedom of thought, we begin to question that which we have been told is right. We ask for ourselves, "What do I believe?" And we seek answers. Sometimes we seek answers in school. We seek answers in church. Other times we seek the advice of friends. Sometimes we even seek the advice of our parents.

Sometimes, when we seek answers, we don't really want an answer - we want confirmation of what we just know to be true. And if the source we turn to doesn't agree, well, then they must be misinformed! And we are duty-bound to correct this aggregious oversight! So we saddle up our arguments, arm our intellect with our sharpest eloquence and sally forth, like Don Quixote, and seek to slay the windmill.

So what is it that you really want? Do you want the truth or do you want to feel good about what you already believe? And don't be fooled - it takes great courage to seek the truth.

Fortunately, there is a source of all truth that we can seek out and find - if we are willing to quiet our own arguments, calm our fears and put faith in the journey of discovery. We are all born with vast capabilities of intuition, conscience, spritual awareness, or whatever term you wish to use. Unfortunately, it is not loud, boistrous or demanding. It is quiet, subtle and giving.

It is only when we surrender our need to be right that we can hear the whisper of our souls, that invisible person within who knows all truth. It is only when we quiet our demands and send our arguments back to the stables, and simply accept that we can come to know what is right - FOR US.

Yep, it is entirely possible that two different people - even those from the same family - can both feel strongly from within what is right; only to realize, much to their surprise, that what was right for them is not the same for others!

Now here is the miracle - if you will accept it - it's okay that someone else believes differently than you. You can still be right and allow them to be right as well - because each is right for themselves.

Two words of advice. First, be careful of who you are listening to when you are seeking what is right. Do not rely on the opinions, no matter how well argued, of others. Find silence. Find peace. Find love, especially for those with whom you disagree, and then you will find truth.

Secondly, any time your need to be right causes hurt feelings, strained relationships, anger, negativity and frustration - you are wrong. Not that your opinion is necessarily wrong. Your need to be right is wrong. Very wrong. Every agent of chaos in the universe laughs when we have contention in our lives.

If you can state your position clearly, logically and even with passion, but with peace, then you are right - for you. And you will be okay both inside and out, if someone else disagrees. You will realize and recognize that the need to be right can and does destroy the most precious things in life you will ever have - your relationship with others.

After all, when you leave this world, the only two things you will be able to take with you are your experiences and your relationships - at least the ones you haven't destroyed with your need to be right.